Daddy Dearest
by xSweetiePiex
Summary: All Sandy wants is Ryan's acceptance. Why can't Kirsten understand? Early Season 1. Cohens Plus 1.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! This is set right after Sandy brought Ryan home the very first episode. This is a Sandy introspection about Ryan, Seth, Kirsten, etc. I don't own The O.C. or make any money off of this (or anything). So please, read & review! Sorry that it's not too long...**

Sandy ran a hand through his dark hair and sighed. Ryan was sleeping in the pool house and his wife was not thrilled at all. In fact she barely would speak to him. She had been cordial to the boy her husband brought home from work, but she didn't want to seem too pleased. Sandy took a deep breath. He understood more than Kirsten did. Sure, Kirsten had seen the bruises on this kid's face. But, for all she knew, they could have been there for days. Sandy knew that someone had hit him within the last few hours. Sometime when Sandy had been at home, or in the office, someone had hit him. The thought made him sick to his stomach. An intense feeling of guilt weighed heavily on him. He was glad Kirsten didn't understand. He would never want her to feel like this. Guilt can eat you up sometimes.

Already feeling guilty, Sandy remembered distinctly the one time he hit Seth. Well, not _hit, _per say Spank, actually. He remembered the one time he spanked Seth. Seth was six years old. Sandy and Seth were running around outside playing together, laughing and giggling. Sandy threw his son a bouncy ball and Seth caught it. Seth ran and tripped in the grass. Sandy ran over to him and wrestled around playfully, rolling with glee. That's when the ball slipped out of Seth's tiny hands. Before Sandy could grab his son, or the ball, the ball rolled into the street. At that same moment, a minivan came rushing down the road. Seth carelessly chased the ball towards the street, stopping only when Sandy grabbed the back of his shirt. The ball continued rolling, and the driver, totally unaware of what was going on ran over the ball, whichexploded in a loud "pop" that made Sandyshudder and scared Seth so much he began to cry. The driver kept going, and Sandy pulled his now sobbing son into a quick embrace.

"Seth Ezekiel!" Sandy stood up, leading Seth back to the house. "How many times have I told you, 'Look both ways before you cross the street'?" Seth just looked up at his dad, unsure of what to say or how to say it.

His lower lip puckered, he replied, "I'm sorry, daddy."

"You could've been killed!" Sandy was no longer mad. He just wanted his son to never run into the street like that again. All he wanted was to keep his son safe. He grabbed him and in one fluid moment a squirming Seth was lying defenselessly over his father's lap.

Sandy spoke sternly, but not unkindly. "Seth… I'm doing this because I love you. This is going to hurt me more than you." He cringed at how cliché that sounded.

SPANK SPANK SPANK

Seth started crying. Sandy had tears welling up in his eyes. He stopped. He gently laid his hand on Seth's back and immediately regretting his loss of control. He should have handled this in a different way. Sandy pulled his son off from across his knee and sat him on his lap. Sandy looked straight into his son's eyes and to his disgust, found fear in them. Seth dropped his eyes and blubbered an apology. Sandy pulled him into a long hug.

"Daddy, I'll never do that again, I promise." Seth sobbed.

Sandy opened his eyes. That was the first, last, and only time Sandy _ever_ laid a hand on Seth. Even that one time, Sandy didn't really hurt the boy. He had only smacked him over his jeans. Still, though, he saw the fear in his eyes.

That was the same fear he saw in Ryan's eyes. Only Sandy was pretty sure that Ryan wasn't spanked by a loving father who just wanted the best for his son. Sandy hoped that Seth knew **he'd** never hit him. He hoped that Seth wasn't afraid of him. While their relationship may have been strained, he hoped the teen knew that it would never come to blows between them.

And he hoped that Ryan knew that he wasn't going to be hit in this house. That he would be safe, even if it was just for the weekend. Sandy couldn't stand to see that look of fear in Ryan's eyes.

Sandy laid in bed that night and thought about everything a little more, _They say eyes are windows to the soul._ Sandy pondered. _I wonder what Ryan's hiding in his soul. I wonder if I even want to know…_

On that thought, Sandy drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is the next chapter of "Daddy Dearest." Hope you enjoy! Please Read & Review! This is set after The Debut (the 4th episode of Season 1)**

A few days, and many adventures later, Sandy woke up,realizing the events of the past couple of days. This weekend had started out normal. Sandy was sure of that. What he wasn't totally sure about was what had happened that culminated in his bringing home one of his clients for the weekend, then him running away, followed by the burning down of the model home, and finally Sandy and Kirsten becoming his legal guardians. Sandy closed his eyes. This was sure turning out interesting.

He glanced over at his sleeping wife. She seemed angelic, wearing a white nightgown. Sandy wondered if she'd ever take to Ryan. She seemed so withdrawn and cautious around him. Maybe it was because she didn't know everything. Or even close to everything. Kirsten hadn't seen Ryan's file. She didn't know about the abuse Ryan lived through, and haddealt with daily.Sandy wasn't sure if he would ever show Kirsten the file.He didn't know if Ryan would want him to. It was the past. It was over.It didn't matter anymore. But, maybe without seeing it she wouldn't be able to see how much Ryan and Sandy were alike.

They both grew up without fathers. They were both rebellious. They both had never really had a break in life. Why couldn't Kirsten see that all Sandy was doing was helping a kid… like him? Being something for Ryan that no one was ever for him?

Maybe, if she could see beyond the image of a delinquent who stole a car, she could understand Ryan better. She could understandSandy better.But, Sandy was afraid Kirsten would never give herself the chance.

Sandy remembered clearly the dinner with Dawn a few days ago. He could sense Ryan's embarrassment without even looking up at him. It was the same feeling of vulnerability that Sandy felt every time his mother mentioned his father. The same feelings of guilt and shame. Sandy understood Ryan's frustration when Dawn pressed on about how A.J. beat her and Ryan up. Sandy didn't need her to paint a picture of the horrible abuse, he already knew about it. And, more importantly, Ryan didn't need to relive it. How could his own mother not realize that that was the last thing Ryan wanted… or needed?

If Sandy had felt more confident about his role in Ryan's life, he would have said something calming to him. He should have said something. But, instead, afraid of the risk of rejection, he sat back. The last thing Sandy wanted was affirmation of his worst fear: that Ryan didn't want his help… that he would just lash out against Sandy's authority. Sandy knew that would be what he would do if he was in Ryan's position. Sandy wanted nothing more than for Ryan to accept himself.

This was pretty hard to accomplish. Sandy was stained with the stigma of being a father. In title alone, this raised flags for Ryan. Sandy was sure that Ryan asked himself questions like _How can a father possibly be good? _And _How long until this father decides I'm not good enough and kicks me out or beats me?_

Sandy was sure of this because these were the same questions he asked himself when his mother brought home boyfriends. This was rare, of course, but on occasion, there was a man or two who walked in and out of his life.

Sandy took a deep breath. He was happy that Ryan had agreed to let him and Kirsten become his legal guardians. That was the first roadblock that was out of the way. Sandy was afraid that he might resist, and he knew that there was no way to force Ryan into doing something he didn't want to.

There were more challenges to come. This, Sandy was sure about. But, more than anything in the world right now, he wanted to be a "dad" to Ryan. If nothing more than in thought alone.

That's what Ryan needed.

That's what Sandy needed.


End file.
